Dear Diary everyones crazy!
by Shinka-chan
Summary: Pein decided start wroting a diary about his daylife in the Akatsuki. Suck at summaries I know. Includes Peinxkonan maybe SasoDei in later chappies. Major OOC'ness. Rated T for Hidan's fantastic mouth and some sexual references in the future. crack!fic
1. Prologue

May 14

Dear Diary

Hi! My name is Pein Nagato, and…well, I'm not sure why I'm doing this, but…I saw in TV the other day having a diary makes people felling better about their feelings…soooooo…well, I guess I should tell my day, uhm? Well, tomorrow the Chuunin Exams starts, so we can't make any moves nor have missions for the next weeks…so…I report this to our members and they all will return home tomorrow. Oh, the members, right. I guess you don't know them…so I will present them to you:

Konan- She's the beautiful woman in the world…

Itachi- He is a Sharigan user…so he has really scary red eyes…also, the last time I saw I'm his vision was starting to go off, because of the Sharigan

Kisame- Really scary shark-dude

Deidara- Blond teenager – Well, he turned 19 the last month (AN I know his birthday isnt in April, just, go along). He likes to blow things up in the living room and has mouths in his hands

Sasori- A dude, who is a puppet that can somehow talk, and walk and think and- You know, just thinking about it makes my brain hurt, lets move on

Hidan- He has an unhealthy obsession with the F word. Masochist, and unfortunally, immortal

Kakuzo- Really old guy who likes to sew things and has 5 hearts

Zetsu- Cannibal, plant, oreo

Tobi- A good boy

And me, well…I'm the leader of the Akatsuki, a powerful missing-nin organization, my favourite colour is orange, I love paellas, Scrubs, Twilight and Tokio Hotel.

My favourite hobbies are watching TV, listen music and world domination

So…I think there's nothing else to say so…

See you tomorrow

Pein

**Do you liked it? Please Review!**


	2. The members arrive

**Thank you, Fangirl, for reviewing this story. Your so nice to me. I thank you for your supporting, not only in this, but in many of my other stories. Thank you so much! As a reward, I give you cookies! *throws cookies at the computer screen***

**I dedicate this story to you! The story sucks til now, but it will get better in the next chappies.**

**Also, Dudududun. So much drama involving Sasori and Deidara. What is going on with they? Also, what is Kakuzo's plan? All in the next chappies, my dears. *holds white cat***

**Now play my dears, PLAY! MWUHAHAHAH! **

**Cat- MIAUHAHAHAH!**

…**Well that was weird…**

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May, 15

Dear Diary

Today, our members came home tonight. The last time I saw them was after the 3 tailed Bijou capture 3 months ago. Itachi's vision got worse, because the first thing he did when he entered the hide out was walking against the wall, pick up a painting from the wall and say that, and I quote "You lack hatred". Kisame said it was perfectly normal. Kisame…well, is like the same. Big…blue…fishy…Something that made me stunned was Deidara's behaviour to Sasori. Before, when he joined 4 years ago, he was always fighting and arguing with Sasori about art, and that stuff, but they got along. Now, he doesn't even talks to him. And Sasori always acted so cold on him, now he always wants to talk to Deidara, and calls him "Brat-kun". And Deidara completely ignores him. I wonder what happened. And Kakuzo has a plan to "Win more money". I don't know what's the plan, and I couldn't care less. He was making some sketches and showing them to Sasori, who was really upset and sad with something. I wonder if he has termites, or something…And Hidan discovered that we put a brand new plasma TV and cable channels and doesn't leaves the couch. And now there's blood at the sofa! I hope this wont go like the last time *cough* Itachi *cough* I took so much time to steal all that money to buy the TV! *sigh* Anyways, Zetsu returned from his, our should I say, their mission on a land near Iwa. He was "getting rid" of some bodies of some trouble makers of a hunters-nin. He came back with that annoying little kid, Tobi. I mean, I know he's our leader, (and much cooler) when he's in his "Madara state" but, I mean, does he have to be like Tobi all the time? At dinner, he asked Deidara to "butter his muffin". That resulted on a food fight, that resulted on risotto every where _including on my hair._ I took 3 hours to clean that shit up! And then I heard Sasori and Deidara arguing in their room, then Deidara come out, and decided _that blowing up the bathroom, our only bathroom_ was the best thing to calm him down. More 4 hours to clean that up. Now, _our bathroom, is a bottle of water._ Now its 4 a.m. and I want to get some sleep. Everyone gone to their rooms, except Deidara, he's sleeping on the couch, because of Sasori, or something, I don't care.

Good dreams

Pein


	3. Chapter 3

**Today, we have a new reviewer! I think it's the first time Shiro-sama reviewed ANY of my stories. I already know Silver-sama and Fangirl-sama from my Ask and Dare show. So, welcome!**

**Shiro- Thanks!**

**Silver- Go away when you still can**

**Fangirl****- She's gonna eat you alive**

**Shinka- HEY! Whatcha talking about**

**Silver and Fangirl- Nothing, Nothing!**

**Shinka- Great, now, Mister Mew Mew needs to take a bath**

**Cat- *roars***

**All- *glopes***

**Sorry if I insulted you, Fangirl-sama, Silver-sama and Shiro-sama in any way! Please forgive me! I'll give you cookies :D *throws cookies at the computer screen***

**Now, if you still didn't review this story, REVIEW NOW! Or ill send Mister Mew Mew at you**

**Cat- *roars* MEW!**

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Dear diary,

Today, I woke up at noon. I spend another hour on the bed wondering if it would be a good decision to come out of bed and face the world. I decided to get out of bed. I didn't had a choice, Konan start picking on me to go shopping. I send one of my bodies with her. She didn't returned yet.

Then I got dressed to go make lunch. When I stepped out of my room, the first thing I saw was Hidan, yelling at the TV. I approached. He grabbed me for my collar and screamed "GREY HAD FUCKING SEX WITH GEORGE! GEOOOOOORGE! SHE FUCKING BELONGS WITH MC DREAMY! DOENST SHE REALIZE SHE'S JUST FUCKKING HURTING GEORGE'S FELLINGS?" Then he let go of me, and got back to his sit in the couch.

I didn't saw Kakuzo all day. I occasionally saw him transport a few pieces of wood and hammers to the garage. We had hammers banging and occasionally cussing coming out of the garage. He also asked me if we had any fruit in the hide out. I wonder…

Cutting out details, Itachi today peed on the fridge. I ordered Kisame to take him to go pick up a eye-dog tomorrow. Hidan took is example and also peed on the fridge. He said it was his "Way of shooing his mind to the world" I hate him…

Also, today at lunch, Deidara throw the salt at Sasori, then he locked himself in their room, and Deidara still didn't come out. I will send Konan to talk with Deidara – he looks like he's PMS'ing – soon she returns from her shopping.

Today, Tobi decided that it would be funny to _flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet. _Now the toilet is broken, and everyone is to afraid to "touch other people's poop". And Zetsu thought the "toilet bottle" was Gatorade and drunk it. It was really funny watch him choke on the piss. Haha, funny…

Well, I think its all that's happened toda- Oh, I heard someone opening the front door, it must be konan. Well, see you tomorrow

Good dreams

Pein


	4. Chapter 4

**Shinka- ****Yes, we have a new reviewer! For the ones who don't know him, I present to you, Terminator-sama! Everyone, Terminator, Terminator, everyone**

**Everyone- Hi**

**Terminator- Hi. Also, why am I in boxers?**

**DB- ****Your sexy *winks at Terminator***

**Terminator- *sweat drops***

**Shinka- Oh, and everyone, meet DB! My assistant!**

**DB- Hi**

**Everyone- Hi**

**Shiro- Why do I have to be here?**

**Shinka- You get cookies *throws cookies at everyone***

**All- YAYS! *bath in cookies***** **

**Sorry if I offended you, AGAIN! ^^" Anywhos, this part will have SasoDei kinda rape. Why you say…or not? I love SasoDei, especially Angst or Hurt/Comfort…*sniffs***

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Dear diary

Today I woke up very earlier: I had work to do. I send Konan to talk with Deidara: she said he said to her that, and I quote (what he said):

"_Me and Danna were having dinner, un. Well, he was just watching me eat, he doesn't eat, un. He asked me what was like to be loved, yeah. I answered that I didn't know, un. The rest of the night went cool, and around midnight we went to bed, un. I woke up at the middle of the night and found Danna raping me, un. Well, he wasn't raping me, he was just…*sigh*…licking my nipples. Since that night, I haven't talked to him. No…please I…can you leave me alone, un?"_

That story shocked me, so I called Sasori to my office and told him that this sort of behaviour is not allowed in the Akatsuki. He looked very sad, but he refused to explain to me why did he do that. Anyways, lets move on.

I found Hidan, covered and holding a blanket and a box of tissues crying while he saw "Titanic" on the TV. He said it was the most beautiful movie he ever saw, and if we had any ice cream. Great, that's all we need: more males PMS'ing. Gawd…

I found out what Kakuzo was doing, today. Apparently, he opened a lemonade stand on the front of our hide out. He still didn't had any clients. Wonder why? I bought a cup of the lemonade, and he charged me 250 bucks! Now we cant buy a new toilet…*sniff*

Today, Itachi returned with his new pet. I yelled at Kisame, I mean, I said EYE DOG not DEAD RABBIT! Kisame said it was cheaper and Kakuzo's idea. Why am I not surprised? So the living room is the beautiful mix of blood, dead smell, shit and chocolate ice cream. Hurray! *sarcasm*

Also, Hidan got to much in the emotion of the chick flick called "Titanic" and couldn't stop crying. Tobi took advance of him and ate the ice cream. He started to twitch and ran against the wall. Now we have a hole on the wall, and Tobi is missing. I sent Zetsu after him. I hope everything goes well…

Also, Konan claims she had been raped by some guy named Terminator. She said he was really cute and treated her good: he even took her to a luxuriant hotel and light some candles to her. I think I should treat her good, but I have a lot of problems and paper work to do…

Well, I think that's all

Good night

Pein

**Review bitches MWUAHAHAHH! (no offense ^^ ")**


	5. THE REAL CHAPTER 5!

**Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto, or else that show would be a lot random**

**Note- Do to technical problems, especially do to the authoress of this fic being an idiot, the same chapter was uploaded twice. Shinka-Chan's productions sorry you because of that incident. Please enjoy the 5 chappie, please.**

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Dear diary

I didnt care what time was, I smashed the clock into pieces and slept more about 5 hours. When I woke up, Konan leaved a note that said she was going to her origami class. She is the teacher, there.

Deidara didn't leaved is room all day. We occasionally eared some explosions noises, but that was all. Sasori started watching a show about missing puppies in the National Geography channel with Hidan, started to almost crying and saying it was the saddest thing he ever did in his life. I'm starting to doubt their manhood…

Kakuzo still didn't had any clients. A old lady asked for some lemonade, but she smacked Kakuzo with her purse when he tried to still her wallet…

Also, hidan its now part of some community called "TV surfers". It's like "Couch surfers", but instead of sharing a couch, they get together and watch TV. He and some "ITorchic" were watching Desperate house wives all day. I just hope he don't bring home more strangers to watch ABC's shows…

Today, Itachi throw is cereal boll to the floor to his bunny, "Crispy", to eat. Of curse, he didn't BECAUSE IS DEAD! And Itachi wants him to have a spot on the table, because "his part of the family" I hate Itachi…

And Zetsu found Tobi. He was lost, naked and scared in the middle of Konoha. It took 5 Jounins, 7 Chunnins and 11 Genins to catch him, but he's alright

And Orochimaru found our phone number! He is getting some weird messages to Itachi and Sasori…anyways, I put some of Rain's ANBUs behind him, and they were able to track him down. I'm waiting for news…

And well, I think that's all

Have a good day

Pein


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